Noel Whelan

Few can contend Noel Whelan's right to a place in this list of splendour... Starting with great promise at Leeds United in the mid-1990s, Whelan followed the expected trajectory of any true journeyman footballer... Down and down through stumbling mediocrity. One might argue that 60 career goals is not a bad return, all being said and done, except that these goals were spread across 14 years and 10 different football clubs. Five goals a year doth not a legend make, unfortunately... And it all started so brightly (including a call-up to the England U-21s!). In the late 1990s, EA Sports released a game called 'FA Premier League Stars' which allowed you to upgrade players with points gained through winning matches. Through these means I made Noel Whelan a peerless footballing god. Given the reality, this has to be one of my greatest EVER achievements. After Leeds came Coventry, Boro, Palace, Millwall, Derby, Aberdeen, Boston Utd, Livingston and Dunfermline... My EA dreams were never realised. Art was not an imitation of life.